The politics of self-care

Full body massages, self-care for all, and living the slow life

For someone who has a hard time with physical intimacy, I sure do love massages. Hug a long-time friend? Thanks no thanks, I’ll pass. Have my body lathered in oil and kneaded by a stranger for one hour? Sign me up. Everyday of every hour of every week. When I started working after grad school, I remember thinking that one of my criteria for success was to be able to afford a full-body massage at least once a month. Massages are a love letter to a body that holds me up constantly and keeps me moving, even on the dreariest days. It is a stolen moment in time where the focus is entirely on the body, giving me the space to let my mind wander without paying heed to the pangs and tensions that have taken up quarters in the nook of my neck or in my lower back.

Getting massaged by strangers is also a challenge in of itself; living for as long as I have in a body that I have learned to hate, I used to think that it was undeserving of love and care. I still do to this day, but I am better equipped (read that as: I am older and can’t be bothered to care anymore) to understand that I need to make amends to my body. Some people practice yoga, go for long walks, or lie down in a sun drenched park - I do massages. It has also helped me to conquer my fear of stripping down in front of strangers. Now, there aren’t many instances in my life when I need to bare it all out, but just six years ago it would have been unthinkable for me to lie practically butt-naked on a massage table, let alone walk into a salon to get a bikini wax.)

(small aside: there is nothing more humbling than lying down on your back with your legs crouched like a frog, waiting for a slab of hot wax to harden, all the while trying to detect any trace of body shaming in the esthéticienne’s stone cold expression. I also feel uncomfortable because the esthéticiennes are mostly white in the salon I go to, and I’m always wondering if they’ve ever had to deal with The Rate and Amount of Brown Women’s Hair Growth.)

I was therefore overjoyed when one of my friends recommended Yann, aka Tata Bergamote, a professional masseur and beautician who created Maison Bergamote. It is a safe, inclusive, and holistic massage experience where you can choose your price point in Paris. He recommends a minimum of 50 euros but there is no negotiation, no judgment and no pressure to pay more or less - you pay what you can. Yann is also a very reassuring and professional masseur - he explains how the massage will take place, which body parts he will work on, and when he will need you to switch over - clear instructions that help relieve the anxiety of not knowing when one can relax or let go during the session. One other important aspect of his craft is that the client is not king. We are two individuals, engaging in a consensual economic transaction in exchange for a service. My needs as a client do not supersede his own. One of the reasons why I used to dislike massages is because of the dominant/subordinate vibe, especially in salons where managers treat masseuses like dust flecks while lapping up clients’ fancies.

There is obviously still a price point, but, as far as I know, it’s still the best deal out there for now. Like therapy, I wish that everybody could get free/affordable/reimbursed massages. I still feel guilty about taking the time for myself, but when I see how clear my thoughts are after a massage or a therapy session, and the burst of energy/creativity I feel afterwards, I always feel frustrated that most of self-care is still so inaccessible. And that the people who need it the most are often those who don’t have the time or the resources to set aside one hour in the month for themselves. In the weeks between my massages, self-care has transformed into taking the time to write for long hours, oiling my hair, and taking long walks in the city. The next step of my journey will, I hope, involve making homemade face masks and meditation.

What do you do for self-care? Do you politicise taking time off for yourself or do you think it’s just unemployed speak for lazing around? When was the last time you did something fully for yourself? Let me know by email or in the comments below.

This newsletter has no bookish content - just wanted to share the thoughts that bubbled to the surface of my mind while it wandered off during one of Tata Bergamote’s deeply healing sessions. If you needed a sign to take some time off - this is your cue.