The nearly two month-long newsletter hiatus is finally over! While I wish I had been on a real online detox, I was actually caught up in the process of leaving my current job. Yours truly, an immigrant woman whose existence in her current country of residence depends on a work visa, decided to become one of the worst things a Parisian can imagine becoming: a chômeuse.
What on earth will I say to my fellow terrasse companions when they will ask me what do I do for a living, the inevitable question screeched within 30 seconds of meeting someone? It sounds even worse in French - “que fais tu dans la vie?” - which literally translates to: what do you do in life?
Well, Jean-Pierre, I’m glad you asked! I will first take a break, yes a real break, from working in an attempt to rewire my brain out of the 9-5 grid. This part is tricky because I still feel the need to constantly do something. Not being able to write a single paragraph during the last month was nerve-wracking because I had conjured up a romanticised idea of me spinning a book out of thin air, fully expecting to transform into a successful, productive writer with “all that free time”. Instead, I wasted nearly 1-2 hours everyday on TikTok, read sporadically because I couldn’t focus, and suffered from insomnia and panic attacks.
No no no, Jean-Pierre, don’t get me wrong - I do intend on earning my keep again, one day, truly. Don’t worry, I’m not going to live off my unemployment benefits for two years (even if I am perfectly entitled to them). I just need some time to figure out what I want to do, and how I’m going to go about doing it.
I have already come to terms with the hardest part of this life-changing decision (now hold onto your Pastis, Jean-Pierre, because you’re not going to like this one) - this is maybe the last time of my adult life that I will be earning predictable money. I know, I know, it’s preposterous to even consider earning less in one’s lifetime. It was a hard possibility to accept because I was engineered into believing that my happiness was intimately linked to my job, recurrent salary and social status. Now that I understand that my happiness is dependent on my ability to find time to read, create and work collaboratively with other activists and creatives, I feel like I owe it to myself to take some time off and make sure I explore opportunities that feel “right”.
That being said, I acknowledge that I am speaking from a place of privilege. Unfortunately, most people have to work to make ends meet, regardless of their overall levels of happiness. They do not have the luxury to wax lyrical about leaving a job and taking the time to reconnect with their desires. As I work my way through the next months of uncertainty, I will be mindful of the privilege that I have by steering away from romanticising this period of my life, while trying not to feel guilty about taking time off.
A couple of weeks ago, I asked people on my Instagram account what they would do if they didn’t have to worry about money. A significant number of responses (mostly from women) mentioned reading, writing and opening cafés, bakeries or bookstores. Not gonna lie, my heart ached a little while reading about those simple, normal dreams that seem unachievable because of financial constraints. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all earn a living wage that was not tied to employment?
Recommendations:
I haven’t been able to read as much as I would have like to, but here are a few recommendations that have kept me afloat during the last months:
“Work Won’t Love You Back” by Sarah Jaffe : a searing historical, political, militant book on how we are tricked into loving our jobs and mistaking exploitation for fulfilment. It’s a dense book, so I’m slowly making my way through it, but I am enjoying the level of detail Jaffe goes into - she writes about how Black domestic workers organised in NYC during the pandemic, about the financial precariousness of theatre actors in London, and the pressure on teachers to work beyond their set hours because their are supposed to perform their job out of pure love - because it is a “calling”.
“You always hear that people have got to work - they can’t be given something for nothing; But something like 60 percent of wealth in this country (the UK) is inherited wealth…” (P. 44, Work Won’t Love You Back)
“Against the Loveless World” by Susan Abulhawa: if you want to learn more about Palestine but cannot bring yourself to read essays and non-fiction, this book will do the trick. Aided by Nahr, a complex, endearing and unpredictable female protagonist, Abulhawa’s addictive prose will make your heart sink, skip and squeeze as she traces stories of displacement, loss and happiness against the backdrop of the illegal occupation of Palestine. A political, revolutionary novel that will keep you on your toes and rile you up.
… TikTok: I don’t have the energy to list my favourite videos here (because there are far too many) but I am FLOORED by the creativity and freshness of some creators on that app. From makeup tutorials, feminist clap-backs, celebrity impersonations and “white girl dancing” choreographies, there is a video for every mood. While I’m trying to curb my doom-scrolling tendencies, I think it’s important to indulge in some form of “useless” activity every now and then. Not everything we do should be productive, or be goal-oriented.
That’s it for now. This is not my best newsletter, but I needed to get those words out there to keep this project up and running and to break the cycle. I hope you’re all healthy and safe, and that you can carve the time in your day to take a deep breath when life feels too real.
Love,
S.
Yay! It's so good to read you again. And congrats on leaving your job! I wish you plenty of reading, dreaming, organizing and creating in this new life chapter. 🤎